When Self-Love Doesn’t Work: Try Self-Respect

Hello dear readers! It’s me: The Outdoor Art Therapist!

I hope your week is going well! I am taking the most wonderful training right now: Linda Thai’s 12 Week Certificate Program in Somatic Embodiment + Regulation Strategies. It’s honestly been the most helpful training I have ever taken before.

Linda Thai is a mental health clinician, and a storyteller, and above all else: a true educator that values making education accessible and translatable. Read more about her work here: https://www.linda-thai.com/

In her training, she shared with us the idea: “…If you can’t do self-love, start with self-respect.”

This resonated so deeply with me. As a parts-work therapist and acceptance-and-commitment (ACT) therapist that works with clients of all ages (from as little as 4 and across the lifespan), the idea of self-esteem and self-compassion comes up often. It seems like most clients know that they want more self-love, but find that it is hard to get there.

Self-Love and Self-Respect

I look at self-love as the idea of valuing and accepting yourself for who you are and for your experiences, whereas self-respect involves recognizing that you must treat yourself with dignity. If you’ve been to therapy (or read one or two self-help books), you know that treating yourself with dignity shows up in the forms of setting boundaries, making choices that honor your values, and acknowledging your rights and your needs!

Both concepts are interlinked, since self-respect can help us walk closer to more moments of deeper self-love. This is the same idea that I hear myself saying time and time again: if you can’t “feel positive” about something, can we at least respond neutrally.

Don’t Force It

We can’t always be stationed in a place of love and positivity. We can’t always be in this flow state of ‘calm’. If anything, I feel at times that our culture may weaponize the idea of calm, tone of voice, the way we ‘must respond’ or ‘must not react’.

Our culture often promotes an idealized version of calmness and positivity, creating pressure to suppress genuine emotions. This is evident in various settings, such as the education system and the workplace. Heck, I’ve even noticed it praised in training for becoming a therapist. However, we can’t always access calmness and positivity; we can’t operate robotically all the time. Doing so can lead to a disconnect between how we truly feel and how we think we should feel.

Practicing Self-Respect

A gift that you can continue to give yourself time and time again is knowing that you are allowed to access and embrace your entire emotional experience. Recognize that you have so many different parts of your identity- shaped by your culture, your race, your communities, your chosen family, your passions, your childhood, your environment- and all aspects of our identity will influence our emotional experience. We know that cultural norms and expectations might encourage the idea of suppressing instead of expressing.

Art therapy can be a space that we can facilitate conversations between your internal parts- and get them talking! Multiple emotions can coexist at one time. We can learn that expression does not have to happen through just verbal talk therapy, either. Read more about inner parts work here.

Another way I work with clients to understanding the learning (or re-learnings) of self respect is through identification of not only identity, one’s emotions, and one’s inner parts, but also, through understanding one’s values.

Values act as guiding principles that shape our actions, decisions, and ultimately, our sense of self. By exploring values alongside identity, emotions, and inner parts, clients (of all ages) can gain a clearer understanding of what truly matters to them, leading to a deeper sense of self-respect. Check out my resources page to find free worksheets to begin to explore what your values are.

Real alignment and attunement come from recognizing what you need and honoring it. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel, express, and act in ways that resonate with who you are.

Seeking More Support

If you are on your journey to find some more self-respect and self-love and would like a little help, please reach on out! Whether you want therapy here at Labyrinth or elsewhere, I’d love to help connect you to a therapist in your area that feels aligned to your current life journey!

I provide virtual and in-person support for clients dealing with OCD, anxiety, rumination, trauma symptoms, and ADHD/autism symptoms.

As the Outdoor Art Therapist, the practice of the walk-and-talk therapy modality ignites my spirit! There’s a unique joy in witnessing the transformations that occur during these walks: clients discovering new insights, expressing emotions, and embracing the beauty of their surroundings.

Happy walking, learning, and arting!

Learn more about Walk-and-Talk Therapy

Are you curious about how art therapy and walk-and-talk therapy can help you heal and grow?

Whether you’re navigating childhood traumas, seeking to reconnect with your playful spirit, or addressing lingering fears and insecurities, art therapy offers a unique approach to self-discovery and healing. Through creative expression, you’ll explore complex emotions and memories in a non-verbal and deeply therapeutic way. Together, we’ll uncover the strengths and resilience within you as we integrate your past experiences into a more empowered present.

Want more free resources?

Check out more blog posts here or head on over to my free resources page! I love sharing free resources that I find and creating my own worksheets for clients and supervision students to use in their journey of wellness!

If you’re ready to embark on this transformative journey toward inner healing, I invite you to take the next step and reach out.

Let’s walk this path together toward a more vibrant and fulfilling life—for you and your inner child!

Kristy Leone, LCPC, LCPAT, ATR-BC is an art therapist and mental health counselor that specializes in therapy for children and therapy for inner child healing in Baltimore County, Maryland at Labyrinth Art and Wellness.